Ok, I feel horrible. I have been making you all wait for some sort of an update.
To begin, i havn't killed myself, and i don't plan to. although there are times where i want to.
I have made great strides in my transition. only with help from my friends though. I have started wearing makeup when i don't have to work, and i will be seen in public. I am keeping my nails painted. and i don't own any male undies or socks. I'm still working on my clothes, double wardrobes are expensive. And i've come out to a few more people, including my boss at work.
Also, i did get to move out, and was able to make these advancements because of that.
The other day i ordered a pair of cheap breastforms and i can't wait for them to come in. They should be the size i aspire to be, a C cup. but right now i would settle for a B or even an A.
My doctor doesn't know my plans yet, but i intend on coming out to her next tuesday(a week from today). Maybe i'll be able to convince her to put me on a really low dose of hormones, but i doubt it honestly. wish me luck.
And i recently found this awesome news on the web, check it out. The Gender Gene
That's about all i gotta say for now, let's see if i can keep this blog updated daily or even weekly.
tata for now!
Mwah
Danielle
Showing posts with label Happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happy. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 22, 2009
... title... well, it's good.
Let me start off by saying right now, i feel extremely beautiful!
I have the house to myself for the next 3 days! My father is off watching over my 96 year old grandmother. she had a fall... and i'm praying for her.
Anyway! Since i have school, i obvously can't dress pretty all the time, but once i'm out of school for the day, and i get home...! I get to dress up! and feel wonderful! i'm even giving myself a chance to play a little with makeup! I just wish i had somebody to teach me how. mainly because right now i look like a zombie vampire freak. at least in photos i do (which i'm choosing not to post).
I can't keep myself from smiling each time i look in the mirror! honestly, the only issue i'm having with myself right now, is my face. I can live with myself being overweight some, and all that, but I think i need a professional makeup artist right now. But, i don't happen to have one at my disposal, so i'll make due with what i got.
I've actually set up a few rules for myself for when i come home from school. I'm giving myself 20 minutes to be "male" then after that, i'm en fem, or else. (granted i don't know what my punishment is going to be yet...) anyway, i just thought i would update you on that!
in other news though, school sucks, i'm falling way behind in all my classes because i'm either working or sleeping or relaxing. (i know i could give up my relaxation time, but if i do that, my stress level will skyrocket, dangerously)
Ok, that's all for now.
Mwah!
Danielle!
I have the house to myself for the next 3 days! My father is off watching over my 96 year old grandmother. she had a fall... and i'm praying for her.
Anyway! Since i have school, i obvously can't dress pretty all the time, but once i'm out of school for the day, and i get home...! I get to dress up! and feel wonderful! i'm even giving myself a chance to play a little with makeup! I just wish i had somebody to teach me how. mainly because right now i look like a zombie vampire freak. at least in photos i do (which i'm choosing not to post).
I can't keep myself from smiling each time i look in the mirror! honestly, the only issue i'm having with myself right now, is my face. I can live with myself being overweight some, and all that, but I think i need a professional makeup artist right now. But, i don't happen to have one at my disposal, so i'll make due with what i got.
I've actually set up a few rules for myself for when i come home from school. I'm giving myself 20 minutes to be "male" then after that, i'm en fem, or else. (granted i don't know what my punishment is going to be yet...) anyway, i just thought i would update you on that!
in other news though, school sucks, i'm falling way behind in all my classes because i'm either working or sleeping or relaxing. (i know i could give up my relaxation time, but if i do that, my stress level will skyrocket, dangerously)
Ok, that's all for now.
Mwah!
Danielle!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
keeping you updated since 2008
Hey all, i know i said i would do my best to update you all at least a little bit, and i also know, that i'm not doing a very good job of that. a post now and then isn't much of an update. but i am going to continue to try to do my best with that.
anyway, i had a point to this post and it's coming up soon.
I decided to go back and read some of my past posts, just to see what all i had said, ya know? Well i read this on my last post of 2008
That last part, that i bolded is what i want you to look at. I did have plans to be so much more open about who i am, after i told my father. but when it went to hell in a handbasket, as it were, my plans for that kinda flew away. i am trying to renew that sense of self in it, but honestly, the only time i actually feel a bit more confident is when i at least have one item of feminine clothing on. easier said then done... more on that later though. it's just really hard to be yourself when you have no support system at home...
whatever.. that's what i wanted to point out specifically, now what i just want to ramble on about for a bit.
Last night, like a lot of nights, i went out to walmart around midnight or so, and walked around trying to figure out what to get... issue is, i had like 24$ in the bank... that's it. well, that gave me a big issue... here i am, a girl shopping for whatever, with barely any cash to work with. so i start browse the ladies sleepwear section, interesting things there, but nothing i could really afford, i had decided on giving myself 10 dollars, and everything was one item for 10$ and i wanted to get a set. i found some interesting things but nothing i could really use. because yet again it was one item, not 2. so i pretty much gave up on that. well just the other side of sleepwear is intimates... *wink wink*. I decided to see what i could find there, obviously they dont have any bra in the size i need, because i am such a weird size. i give up on that too.. then i turned around and my eyes lit up, i'm sure. an entire rack of sports bras they have bigger sizes, still not mine, but bigger none the less. it took me until around 12:40ish in the morning to find one i could live with, and even then it shouldn't have. the one i got was about 3 bucks cheaper then the others. well i couldn't contain my excitement to wait to put it on, i got into my car and my shirt and jacket was off in a flash! and i was trying to put this bra on, it took me a lot longer then it really should've but i got it on in the end, it was different for me, it wasn't nearly as binding and restrictive as my other bras, and it was just so much more comfy to me. it barely shows through my shirt even!
i was thinking of a way i could wear it in public, but the only thing i can think of, is well... wearing my jacket for an entire day, all zipped up, not the most comfortable thing in the world.
anyway, i'm rambling a bit to much, i'll try to close this off in just one minute.
the last thing i want to say is, when i got home and got my shirt off, i looked in the mirror, and i didn't see myself, but myself. there was a kind of femininity showing in my eyes, and i was seeing it.
whatever... oh and sorry about the post that i deleted, just in case somebody saw that, it was an accidental post of an incomplete thoughts in it. and i just didn't feel right leaving it up.
ok, i'll post something possibly later.
Toodles!
anyway, i had a point to this post and it's coming up soon.
I decided to go back and read some of my past posts, just to see what all i had said, ya know? Well i read this on my last post of 2008
well, in the past few weeks i have regained my faith, and made a few more friends. I have even made plans on telling my father that i am Transgendered. i'm doing that on the 8th. and then i am going to be very open about it with people. I'm not going to hide it anymore after that.
That last part, that i bolded is what i want you to look at. I did have plans to be so much more open about who i am, after i told my father. but when it went to hell in a handbasket, as it were, my plans for that kinda flew away. i am trying to renew that sense of self in it, but honestly, the only time i actually feel a bit more confident is when i at least have one item of feminine clothing on. easier said then done... more on that later though. it's just really hard to be yourself when you have no support system at home...
whatever.. that's what i wanted to point out specifically, now what i just want to ramble on about for a bit.
Last night, like a lot of nights, i went out to walmart around midnight or so, and walked around trying to figure out what to get... issue is, i had like 24$ in the bank... that's it. well, that gave me a big issue... here i am, a girl shopping for whatever, with barely any cash to work with. so i start browse the ladies sleepwear section, interesting things there, but nothing i could really afford, i had decided on giving myself 10 dollars, and everything was one item for 10$ and i wanted to get a set. i found some interesting things but nothing i could really use. because yet again it was one item, not 2. so i pretty much gave up on that. well just the other side of sleepwear is intimates... *wink wink*. I decided to see what i could find there, obviously they dont have any bra in the size i need, because i am such a weird size. i give up on that too.. then i turned around and my eyes lit up, i'm sure. an entire rack of sports bras they have bigger sizes, still not mine, but bigger none the less. it took me until around 12:40ish in the morning to find one i could live with, and even then it shouldn't have. the one i got was about 3 bucks cheaper then the others. well i couldn't contain my excitement to wait to put it on, i got into my car and my shirt and jacket was off in a flash! and i was trying to put this bra on, it took me a lot longer then it really should've but i got it on in the end, it was different for me, it wasn't nearly as binding and restrictive as my other bras, and it was just so much more comfy to me. it barely shows through my shirt even!
i was thinking of a way i could wear it in public, but the only thing i can think of, is well... wearing my jacket for an entire day, all zipped up, not the most comfortable thing in the world.
anyway, i'm rambling a bit to much, i'll try to close this off in just one minute.
the last thing i want to say is, when i got home and got my shirt off, i looked in the mirror, and i didn't see myself, but myself. there was a kind of femininity showing in my eyes, and i was seeing it.
whatever... oh and sorry about the post that i deleted, just in case somebody saw that, it was an accidental post of an incomplete thoughts in it. and i just didn't feel right leaving it up.
ok, i'll post something possibly later.
Toodles!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
*generic happy title not found*
This is the first time I've been this excited and happy in soo long.
Well, Tuesday, i realized that i needed a new pair of Drab guy shoes. So I go to wal-mart and take about 20 minutes to finally pick a pair i can live with. I then proceeded to look at the time. it was after 10pm! now, i've been in wal-mart(wally world) many times before much later then that. But not recently, with money to spare. so i meander into the ladies section of shoes, and my first instinct is to try on a pair, but because i'm just not comfy with doing that, I just browse while thinking of some sort of excuse (cuz i'm a wuss like that) just incase i get caught. well, seeing as how i didn't know my exact size, i checked out of wally world in a flash.
well, tonight, i go back into wally world nearly on a mission. I had looked online for a size measuring thing or whatever and it said i was like a 12 and a half wide in women's size. *shrug* so there i am hunting wally world's ladies shoe section, looking for at least a size 12... no luck at all. then i think Well.... i might be able to squeeze into an 11... So I find a size 11 i can live with, it's a cute wedge shoe with maybe a 1" heel on it. I buy that and a small package of Thigh High stockings *woot*. well, curiosity got the better of me by the time i made it out to my car. I get in and i just have to try it on! I nearly panicked when it fit! perfectly! Well, i just couldn't help myself (apparently I love shoes!). So putting my drab shoes back on, i go back into wally world talking to myself on my cell phone. I hunted down another pair of shoes (this time with a 3" heel, taller then i wanted but i couldn't pass it up) I also bought a shoehorn and a kinda cheesy Tinkerbell Purse of a thing. ...
I got back out to my car (probably faster then i had the first time) and almost yank my shoes off to try on the new pair! I'll admit, they are snug, but they do fit. and it is more difficult for me to walk in them then i thought it would be, but as soon as i can(sooner rather then later) i am going to be practicing walking in them. I love them soo much! At home, after my dad goes to bed, i am kicking my socks off and i am going to be putting these taller heels on!
I would be the first to admit that I don't need to be any taller, but there is just something about a good pair of high heels that makes a woman feel great! I hope that eventually i'll be able to wear them any time i want, and then after that, be able to walk in higher ones! like maybe a 4-5 incher!
that is all for now! I'll post later!... ... ... maybe...
Well, Tuesday, i realized that i needed a new pair of Drab guy shoes. So I go to wal-mart and take about 20 minutes to finally pick a pair i can live with. I then proceeded to look at the time. it was after 10pm! now, i've been in wal-mart(wally world) many times before much later then that. But not recently, with money to spare. so i meander into the ladies section of shoes, and my first instinct is to try on a pair, but because i'm just not comfy with doing that, I just browse while thinking of some sort of excuse (cuz i'm a wuss like that) just incase i get caught. well, seeing as how i didn't know my exact size, i checked out of wally world in a flash.
well, tonight, i go back into wally world nearly on a mission. I had looked online for a size measuring thing or whatever and it said i was like a 12 and a half wide in women's size. *shrug* so there i am hunting wally world's ladies shoe section, looking for at least a size 12... no luck at all. then i think Well.... i might be able to squeeze into an 11... So I find a size 11 i can live with, it's a cute wedge shoe with maybe a 1" heel on it. I buy that and a small package of Thigh High stockings *woot*. well, curiosity got the better of me by the time i made it out to my car. I get in and i just have to try it on! I nearly panicked when it fit! perfectly! Well, i just couldn't help myself (apparently I love shoes!). So putting my drab shoes back on, i go back into wally world talking to myself on my cell phone. I hunted down another pair of shoes (this time with a 3" heel, taller then i wanted but i couldn't pass it up) I also bought a shoehorn and a kinda cheesy Tinkerbell Purse of a thing. ...
I got back out to my car (probably faster then i had the first time) and almost yank my shoes off to try on the new pair! I'll admit, they are snug, but they do fit. and it is more difficult for me to walk in them then i thought it would be, but as soon as i can(sooner rather then later) i am going to be practicing walking in them. I love them soo much! At home, after my dad goes to bed, i am kicking my socks off and i am going to be putting these taller heels on!
I would be the first to admit that I don't need to be any taller, but there is just something about a good pair of high heels that makes a woman feel great! I hope that eventually i'll be able to wear them any time i want, and then after that, be able to walk in higher ones! like maybe a 4-5 incher!
that is all for now! I'll post later!... ... ... maybe...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
w00t!
Today went so well, it was actually the best day i've had in months!
I've actually been happy all day today.
What pretty much happened was me and my dad went into my counselors office, they gabbed for a few, after a brief intro to something that may come as a shock, i said "Dad, I'm transgendered." But it wasn't a shock to him, I think he knew the entire time.
For anyone seeing a counselor who really wants to tell somebody in your family, but doesn't know how they will react and is afraid of that possibility of a bad reaction. Take that person in to see your counselor. If you live with that person, just say that your counselor wants to see them to talk about things going on around the house. Take that person in, and don't hesitate when you tell them!
I feel as though a 2 ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders! and I just feel so phenomenally good!
Let me also say this, i nearly cried when my dad was taking this shocking news so wonderfully. the only reason i didn't is because I hate it when people see me crying. i really do.
That is all for now, loves! I'll, hopefully, be posting soon about how things go tomorrow night at an old friends house...
I've actually been happy all day today.
What pretty much happened was me and my dad went into my counselors office, they gabbed for a few, after a brief intro to something that may come as a shock, i said "Dad, I'm transgendered." But it wasn't a shock to him, I think he knew the entire time.
For anyone seeing a counselor who really wants to tell somebody in your family, but doesn't know how they will react and is afraid of that possibility of a bad reaction. Take that person in to see your counselor. If you live with that person, just say that your counselor wants to see them to talk about things going on around the house. Take that person in, and don't hesitate when you tell them!
I feel as though a 2 ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders! and I just feel so phenomenally good!
Let me also say this, i nearly cried when my dad was taking this shocking news so wonderfully. the only reason i didn't is because I hate it when people see me crying. i really do.
That is all for now, loves! I'll, hopefully, be posting soon about how things go tomorrow night at an old friends house...
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