This is the first time I've been this excited and happy in soo long.
Well, Tuesday, i realized that i needed a new pair of Drab guy shoes. So I go to wal-mart and take about 20 minutes to finally pick a pair i can live with. I then proceeded to look at the time. it was after 10pm! now, i've been in wal-mart(wally world) many times before much later then that. But not recently, with money to spare. so i meander into the ladies section of shoes, and my first instinct is to try on a pair, but because i'm just not comfy with doing that, I just browse while thinking of some sort of excuse (cuz i'm a wuss like that) just incase i get caught. well, seeing as how i didn't know my exact size, i checked out of wally world in a flash.
well, tonight, i go back into wally world nearly on a mission. I had looked online for a size measuring thing or whatever and it said i was like a 12 and a half wide in women's size. *shrug* so there i am hunting wally world's ladies shoe section, looking for at least a size 12... no luck at all. then i think Well.... i might be able to squeeze into an 11... So I find a size 11 i can live with, it's a cute wedge shoe with maybe a 1" heel on it. I buy that and a small package of Thigh High stockings *woot*. well, curiosity got the better of me by the time i made it out to my car. I get in and i just have to try it on! I nearly panicked when it fit! perfectly! Well, i just couldn't help myself (apparently I love shoes!). So putting my drab shoes back on, i go back into wally world talking to myself on my cell phone. I hunted down another pair of shoes (this time with a 3" heel, taller then i wanted but i couldn't pass it up) I also bought a shoehorn and a kinda cheesy Tinkerbell Purse of a thing. ...
I got back out to my car (probably faster then i had the first time) and almost yank my shoes off to try on the new pair! I'll admit, they are snug, but they do fit. and it is more difficult for me to walk in them then i thought it would be, but as soon as i can(sooner rather then later) i am going to be practicing walking in them. I love them soo much! At home, after my dad goes to bed, i am kicking my socks off and i am going to be putting these taller heels on!
I would be the first to admit that I don't need to be any taller, but there is just something about a good pair of high heels that makes a woman feel great! I hope that eventually i'll be able to wear them any time i want, and then after that, be able to walk in higher ones! like maybe a 4-5 incher!
that is all for now! I'll post later!... ... ... maybe...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I'm alive
Hello my dear readers
I know that my last post left some of you extremely worried about me. Trust me on that, I have the emails to prove it. *giggles* I want you all to know, I was never considering suicide. I was in a position that made me want to die, not kill myself. If death had come to me, I wouldn't have fought back though, ya know?
My father's decision to disown me when I stop being his son, is his decision and not mine. But that doesn't reduce the shock I got from it. I know somebody who was disowned by his father. He was basically blindsided by it. (is that the right word...) But for me, I know exactly when my father is going to disown me. He can live with me being his son and so long as I am his son, I am still part of the family(from his perspective). But the second, and I mean the second, I stop being a "son" to him. That's it! I am out of the family. I am no longer a *****(last name censored for my protection...sorry)****. And I will go with the 2nd middle name I had picked out for my last name. So my name in the future(i hope) will be, Danielle Hope Calypso. I know I could go with my Mom's last name, or even her maiden name, but, to be perfectly honest, I don't think she would like that. I'll have to ask her 'bout that.
Anyway, there isn't much news now... just that i really hope to one day(very soon, like before my b-day soon) move out. I have realized that I can't live with my father anymore. Period.
Oh yeah, School started up again. So for my future posts, expect a lot about the stresses of school...if I even post a lot about it...
That's about it for now...
I know that my last post left some of you extremely worried about me. Trust me on that, I have the emails to prove it. *giggles* I want you all to know, I was never considering suicide. I was in a position that made me want to die, not kill myself. If death had come to me, I wouldn't have fought back though, ya know?
My father's decision to disown me when I stop being his son, is his decision and not mine. But that doesn't reduce the shock I got from it. I know somebody who was disowned by his father. He was basically blindsided by it. (is that the right word...) But for me, I know exactly when my father is going to disown me. He can live with me being his son and so long as I am his son, I am still part of the family(from his perspective). But the second, and I mean the second, I stop being a "son" to him. That's it! I am out of the family. I am no longer a *****(last name censored for my protection...sorry)****. And I will go with the 2nd middle name I had picked out for my last name. So my name in the future(i hope) will be, Danielle Hope Calypso. I know I could go with my Mom's last name, or even her maiden name, but, to be perfectly honest, I don't think she would like that. I'll have to ask her 'bout that.
Anyway, there isn't much news now... just that i really hope to one day(very soon, like before my b-day soon) move out. I have realized that I can't live with my father anymore. Period.
Oh yeah, School started up again. So for my future posts, expect a lot about the stresses of school...if I even post a lot about it...
That's about it for now...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
i wish this could be a happy post
, but it can't be.
My dad, the person i thought was my hero for accepting me so well, never accepted it in the first place. He told me today, when the discussion came up, that he has lost the will to live, thanks to me. and whenever i do finally begin my transition, he is going to completely disown me, 110%. He pulled out the whole bit with God, and how God doesn't make mistakes, but when i tried to put in the chance, the bloody chance, that God purpsofully made me this way, Purposfully made me Transgendered, he wouldn't listen to me. The worst of it all is, i have no physical support now. all my friends seem to be out of reach... all of the ones i could've trusted, and the ones that i can't trust now, i'm sure are bored hoping for a phone call from somebody.
Right now, i just want to die.
My dad, the person i thought was my hero for accepting me so well, never accepted it in the first place. He told me today, when the discussion came up, that he has lost the will to live, thanks to me. and whenever i do finally begin my transition, he is going to completely disown me, 110%. He pulled out the whole bit with God, and how God doesn't make mistakes, but when i tried to put in the chance, the bloody chance, that God purpsofully made me this way, Purposfully made me Transgendered, he wouldn't listen to me. The worst of it all is, i have no physical support now. all my friends seem to be out of reach... all of the ones i could've trusted, and the ones that i can't trust now, i'm sure are bored hoping for a phone call from somebody.
Right now, i just want to die.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The buzz
Wow, this blog is gathering a small following... it's strange for me. Usually, the things I do online or IRL go, unnoticed. It's one of the reasons I became so insecure about everything I do. But, now, there are real life people telling me such kind things. At first I thought, Oh, these people are just blowing smoke up my bum. But as I read some of the comments and read into life just a bit more, I've come to realize that not everyone in this horrible, hate-filled world are out to get me. How surprising is that?
Anyway.
At first I didn't have much of a point to this blog entry, but as I started writing it I thought of a few things, more self-reflections then anything.
I started thinking about some *cough* not all, of the blogs I follow. Thinking about how far along some of these beautiful women are in their transition. And thinking of the extremely difficult task of getting even remotely close to where they are. I don't know how these girls are doing it. Government Grant? Insurance? Long time saving up money? What? And with that, I wonder, How am I going to do this? How am I going to get the money to go 70 some odd miles away to see a specialist who focuses in Transgendered people? How am I going to get the money to afford any of the things needed for my Transition? New Wardrobe, Hormones, any surgeries, repairs from haters. There isn't a Transgendered community where I live. At least nothing publicly known. So I can't even get the basic knowledge from people who have gone or are going to go through the same exact thing I will be going through... someday.
With that thought, I will finish this up... I may post again later today, I may not. *shrugs* Who knows?
Anyway.
At first I didn't have much of a point to this blog entry, but as I started writing it I thought of a few things, more self-reflections then anything.
I started thinking about some *cough* not all, of the blogs I follow. Thinking about how far along some of these beautiful women are in their transition. And thinking of the extremely difficult task of getting even remotely close to where they are. I don't know how these girls are doing it. Government Grant? Insurance? Long time saving up money? What? And with that, I wonder, How am I going to do this? How am I going to get the money to go 70 some odd miles away to see a specialist who focuses in Transgendered people? How am I going to get the money to afford any of the things needed for my Transition? New Wardrobe, Hormones, any surgeries, repairs from haters. There isn't a Transgendered community where I live. At least nothing publicly known. So I can't even get the basic knowledge from people who have gone or are going to go through the same exact thing I will be going through... someday.
With that thought, I will finish this up... I may post again later today, I may not. *shrugs* Who knows?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
w00t!
Today went so well, it was actually the best day i've had in months!
I've actually been happy all day today.
What pretty much happened was me and my dad went into my counselors office, they gabbed for a few, after a brief intro to something that may come as a shock, i said "Dad, I'm transgendered." But it wasn't a shock to him, I think he knew the entire time.
For anyone seeing a counselor who really wants to tell somebody in your family, but doesn't know how they will react and is afraid of that possibility of a bad reaction. Take that person in to see your counselor. If you live with that person, just say that your counselor wants to see them to talk about things going on around the house. Take that person in, and don't hesitate when you tell them!
I feel as though a 2 ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders! and I just feel so phenomenally good!
Let me also say this, i nearly cried when my dad was taking this shocking news so wonderfully. the only reason i didn't is because I hate it when people see me crying. i really do.
That is all for now, loves! I'll, hopefully, be posting soon about how things go tomorrow night at an old friends house...
I've actually been happy all day today.
What pretty much happened was me and my dad went into my counselors office, they gabbed for a few, after a brief intro to something that may come as a shock, i said "Dad, I'm transgendered." But it wasn't a shock to him, I think he knew the entire time.
For anyone seeing a counselor who really wants to tell somebody in your family, but doesn't know how they will react and is afraid of that possibility of a bad reaction. Take that person in to see your counselor. If you live with that person, just say that your counselor wants to see them to talk about things going on around the house. Take that person in, and don't hesitate when you tell them!
I feel as though a 2 ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders! and I just feel so phenomenally good!
Let me also say this, i nearly cried when my dad was taking this shocking news so wonderfully. the only reason i didn't is because I hate it when people see me crying. i really do.
That is all for now, loves! I'll, hopefully, be posting soon about how things go tomorrow night at an old friends house...
The day
Today is the day that could make my life wonderful or horrible.
Today is the day that I tell my 70 year old father that I am transgendered. If I don't post how things went by tonight or early tomorrow morning it means it went bad. Really really bad. Otherwise I am 100% certain I will let everyone know how it went.
Gaining my fathers acceptance will be one of the biggest steps in my transgendered life. other then getting on Hormones...eventually. *giggles*
Wish me luck for today.
Today is the day that I tell my 70 year old father that I am transgendered. If I don't post how things went by tonight or early tomorrow morning it means it went bad. Really really bad. Otherwise I am 100% certain I will let everyone know how it went.
Gaining my fathers acceptance will be one of the biggest steps in my transgendered life. other then getting on Hormones...eventually. *giggles*
Wish me luck for today.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Year in review, sorta
January:
2nd semester of college, fun all in all, made a great friend or 2.
(ok, my exact memory of school is really really bad, i'm sorry.)anyway, throughout the second semester of college I realized that i had a really good friend. or two...
near the end of that semester, sometime in late april or early may, i finally connected my crossdressing with being completly different then most people, with being transgendered.
i noticed differences with my body, and it was getting me extremely depressed, i was failing some of my classes, and so on. well, that got me thinking, why am i different then most people. OH, that's right i have something, down there, that doesn't belong! yeah, i felt wrong in my own body, but i had nobody in the world i could talk with. not my friends, not my family, nobody!
Well, one day, my friend, noticed how depressed i was, and started probing me on what it was. it took a few hours for her to figure it out but she did, and she took it very well, considering she was Christian, and followed God's teachings.
It turned out though, that she wasn't the only one worried about me. My english Teacher was too, because it was my second time taking the course and i was failing it too! she suggested i go to somebody on campus to talk about my issues or to get somewhere and talk about my issues. Well i went to him, and he suggest a counseling center. Problem! it would take 4 weeks or so just to be screened! BUT! they have crisis counselors, and while i couldn't open up to him, i did get suggested to my current counselor.
well, that summer, I was put in a difficult situation. My friend was working and so i couldn't really talk with her, and since i only saw my counselor once a week, that wasn't too helpful. and that was the first time i was extremely serious about killing myself. simply because how alone i felt. When i finally talked with my friend about this, she helped me and pulled me out of this hate.
then on my birthday, it happened again! and my friend pulled me out of it, again! she was at this time, my best friend. and i loved her like a sister. but something was changing in her, she pretty much grew distant from everyone.
well, when school started back up again in the fall, i realized that my best friend wasn't much of a friend anymore. i didn't understand what it was nor did i understand why she was doing the things she was doing. but whatever.
and i was having trouble with only one friend. luckily, i was on the fast track to trusting a few people. ^_^ I told my sister, i told my brother, i told my mother, and i even told people outside my family! and each time i told people that i was transgendered, i felt better! and more comfortable.
well as this past semester went on, i got depressed, i was losing my best friend. and that was one thing i didn't want. that and i was hating my body more and more. this depression was worse though because i was actually failing my classes! that's not something i usually do!
well late november, i lost my faith with God, and i not only blamed my best friend for this, i blamed her family, the church, my family, heck i probably blamed the world at that point. well, it was then that my best friend, the person i loved like a fucking sister, Gave up on me! I have been trying to figure out why she did this for the past month now, and i still don't fucking know!
well, then on the 4th of December, a person i knew committed suicide. you wanna talk about something hard to understand, try to figure out why a person committed suicide, when you barely knew them. trust me, it's tough!
well, in the past few weeks i have regained my faith, and made a few more friends. I have even made plans on telling my father that i am Transgendered. i'm doing that on the 8th. and then i am going to be very open about it with people. I'm not going to hide it anymore after that.
Since today is December 31st, i would like to say, Happy New Years to all of you out there who were willing to read through this jumbled mess that has been my year.
Oh, and please wish me luck when i tell my dad about me! i think he is going to have a hard time with it. so any advice would be awesome as well. I really don't know how i'm going to tell him. and right now, i'm going to just come out and tell him.
2nd semester of college, fun all in all, made a great friend or 2.
(ok, my exact memory of school is really really bad, i'm sorry.)anyway, throughout the second semester of college I realized that i had a really good friend. or two...
near the end of that semester, sometime in late april or early may, i finally connected my crossdressing with being completly different then most people, with being transgendered.
i noticed differences with my body, and it was getting me extremely depressed, i was failing some of my classes, and so on. well, that got me thinking, why am i different then most people. OH, that's right i have something, down there, that doesn't belong! yeah, i felt wrong in my own body, but i had nobody in the world i could talk with. not my friends, not my family, nobody!
Well, one day, my friend, noticed how depressed i was, and started probing me on what it was. it took a few hours for her to figure it out but she did, and she took it very well, considering she was Christian, and followed God's teachings.
It turned out though, that she wasn't the only one worried about me. My english Teacher was too, because it was my second time taking the course and i was failing it too! she suggested i go to somebody on campus to talk about my issues or to get somewhere and talk about my issues. Well i went to him, and he suggest a counseling center. Problem! it would take 4 weeks or so just to be screened! BUT! they have crisis counselors, and while i couldn't open up to him, i did get suggested to my current counselor.
well, that summer, I was put in a difficult situation. My friend was working and so i couldn't really talk with her, and since i only saw my counselor once a week, that wasn't too helpful. and that was the first time i was extremely serious about killing myself. simply because how alone i felt. When i finally talked with my friend about this, she helped me and pulled me out of this hate.
then on my birthday, it happened again! and my friend pulled me out of it, again! she was at this time, my best friend. and i loved her like a sister. but something was changing in her, she pretty much grew distant from everyone.
well, when school started back up again in the fall, i realized that my best friend wasn't much of a friend anymore. i didn't understand what it was nor did i understand why she was doing the things she was doing. but whatever.
and i was having trouble with only one friend. luckily, i was on the fast track to trusting a few people. ^_^ I told my sister, i told my brother, i told my mother, and i even told people outside my family! and each time i told people that i was transgendered, i felt better! and more comfortable.
well as this past semester went on, i got depressed, i was losing my best friend. and that was one thing i didn't want. that and i was hating my body more and more. this depression was worse though because i was actually failing my classes! that's not something i usually do!
well late november, i lost my faith with God, and i not only blamed my best friend for this, i blamed her family, the church, my family, heck i probably blamed the world at that point. well, it was then that my best friend, the person i loved like a fucking sister, Gave up on me! I have been trying to figure out why she did this for the past month now, and i still don't fucking know!
well, then on the 4th of December, a person i knew committed suicide. you wanna talk about something hard to understand, try to figure out why a person committed suicide, when you barely knew them. trust me, it's tough!
well, in the past few weeks i have regained my faith, and made a few more friends. I have even made plans on telling my father that i am Transgendered. i'm doing that on the 8th. and then i am going to be very open about it with people. I'm not going to hide it anymore after that.
Since today is December 31st, i would like to say, Happy New Years to all of you out there who were willing to read through this jumbled mess that has been my year.
Oh, and please wish me luck when i tell my dad about me! i think he is going to have a hard time with it. so any advice would be awesome as well. I really don't know how i'm going to tell him. and right now, i'm going to just come out and tell him.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
What i realized i want for chrismas
a boy/girlfriend.
I shouldn't be home alone right now, i should be snuggled up with my(to keep it simple i will use boy) boyfriend. But i dont have one.
The only advantage i have right now, being alone, is i can feel super feminine! even without cute shoes! because i dont have any! oh well! i still feel great!
but i bet you if i had this boyfriend i keep thinking of, he would make me feel even better! i probably wouldn't even have to dress up as much then!
something i have realized as well! Boobs make the woman! at least if you look like me! I dont have boobs, but even with a stuffed bra i feel great. at least compared without stuffing! of course it's making me question how large of breasts it's going to take to truely make me happy. well, i know this i would settle for a B cup right now.
but that's just my dreams i guess. and for now, it's going to have to stay there.
I shouldn't be home alone right now, i should be snuggled up with my(to keep it simple i will use boy) boyfriend. But i dont have one.
The only advantage i have right now, being alone, is i can feel super feminine! even without cute shoes! because i dont have any! oh well! i still feel great!
but i bet you if i had this boyfriend i keep thinking of, he would make me feel even better! i probably wouldn't even have to dress up as much then!
something i have realized as well! Boobs make the woman! at least if you look like me! I dont have boobs, but even with a stuffed bra i feel great. at least compared without stuffing! of course it's making me question how large of breasts it's going to take to truely make me happy. well, i know this i would settle for a B cup right now.
but that's just my dreams i guess. and for now, it's going to have to stay there.
My Attention was Grabbed
somebody sent me a comment here telling me... ok, suggesting to me, that i be sure to spend that "special ;)" time with women as well as men. and the reason that comment peaked my interest was, i've been told before, and during my realizations about myself, i realized that there are aspects about men i love and aspects about women i love. Honestly, i wish i could have both easily, but alas, i'm not that good of a people person.
before i would fantasize men so often, i would always always always fantasize about women, but lets just say they were always the man in the relationship. (to put it bluntly) when i fantasize in the more sexual way, in all of my fantasies, i dont do any penetrating. and every time i try to fantasize that way, it just doesn't work. make sense?
that alone, now that i think about it, make me wonder (as a guy) does that make me gay? or does the fact that women can be and are often involved in these fantasies, just make me bi?
I dont know...
Sorry for my bluntness there, i just couldn't think of a way to beat around the bush with that one.
anyway, i hope you all are ready for the holiday here in just a day or so.
I know i'm going to enjoy it! My dad is going over to my grandma's and giving the house to me! i can guarantee that i'm going to dress up all pretty for a christmas gift to myself! Now, if only i had a good pair of heels! lol.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
before i would fantasize men so often, i would always always always fantasize about women, but lets just say they were always the man in the relationship. (to put it bluntly) when i fantasize in the more sexual way, in all of my fantasies, i dont do any penetrating. and every time i try to fantasize that way, it just doesn't work. make sense?
that alone, now that i think about it, make me wonder (as a guy) does that make me gay? or does the fact that women can be and are often involved in these fantasies, just make me bi?
I dont know...
Sorry for my bluntness there, i just couldn't think of a way to beat around the bush with that one.
anyway, i hope you all are ready for the holiday here in just a day or so.
I know i'm going to enjoy it! My dad is going over to my grandma's and giving the house to me! i can guarantee that i'm going to dress up all pretty for a christmas gift to myself! Now, if only i had a good pair of heels! lol.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I don't know
My counselor, the other day, raised an interesting question for when i tell my father about me.
Who am I attracted to? Gender wise?
Right now, it's both. but what about after i transition?
I know that most parents would prefer to at least have a straight child... in relation to their original gender. but i really dont know what's going to happen.
I'm starting to wonder if i should, for now, lie to him about this? maybe... just maybe... i should tell him that i am attracted to women only, but i don't want to be a man. and then tell him on a later date, like maybe after i start dressing more femininely, how i am beginning to notice guys more.
there are currently certain aspects of men that, omg, is soo hot!
and there are currently aspects of women, that is extremely hot.
and, like, when i fantasize about something like a dream winter date. It's always me with a man. like, for example, around noon, we go out to lunch. I'm wearing nearly skin tight pants (i dont know why, i look horrible in them) and a good winter coat with fur around the edge of the hood and sleeves. My boots are really cute, white kinda fur like thing. Underneath my coat, i have on a kind of turtleneck sweatshirt, also white. I eat something light and he(i never know who he is, just that he is hot) has something like a hamburger or something. During lunch, we have idle chit-chat about all sorts of things. Photography, is something i bring up all the time. and i talk about some shoots i did recently. After lunch when it's time to go, i put my coat back on, and after he pays for the food, we take off, but not for either of our homes. towards the park! ( i dont know what town we are in but it offers carriage rides year round) He planned a carriage ride around the park!
So, i get in the carriage, and he is quick to follow me, after we got started i noticed a chill running through me. He sees me shiver a little and places his arm around me and pulls me close! I get warm quickly from that. and during the entire ride, not a word is said, he just holds me nice and close, and i feel secure. When the ride is done, it's only around 2ish so we go to a museum, and wander the halls there for a hour or 2. we discuss certain things about how gender is this and that, and how certain aspects of certain works of art is good or bad. and so on.
After that. he decided to take me ice skating, i'm not even going to say how many times i feel on my bum. well it was beginning to get dark and since we walked everywhere all day long, and it was snowing all day long as well (cars couldn't drive around) and I lived closer to where we currently were.
After we got to where i lived, i decided to start a fire in the fireplace and put on some hot water for hot chocolate! so yummy! after the fire gets going i bring the hot chocolate and we pretty much curl up next to this fire and he just holds me again.
Ok, long as hell, i know and i also know it's a big cliche but i can't help my mind.
i only put this because i wanted a record for myself more then anything.
and the point of all that was showing what was in my mind for my future. Men! or at least a Man. Sorry for the length of it all.
Do you have any suggestions for me? know that my father is very old fashioned
Who am I attracted to? Gender wise?
Right now, it's both. but what about after i transition?
I know that most parents would prefer to at least have a straight child... in relation to their original gender. but i really dont know what's going to happen.
I'm starting to wonder if i should, for now, lie to him about this? maybe... just maybe... i should tell him that i am attracted to women only, but i don't want to be a man. and then tell him on a later date, like maybe after i start dressing more femininely, how i am beginning to notice guys more.
there are currently certain aspects of men that, omg, is soo hot!
and there are currently aspects of women, that is extremely hot.
and, like, when i fantasize about something like a dream winter date. It's always me with a man. like, for example, around noon, we go out to lunch. I'm wearing nearly skin tight pants (i dont know why, i look horrible in them) and a good winter coat with fur around the edge of the hood and sleeves. My boots are really cute, white kinda fur like thing. Underneath my coat, i have on a kind of turtleneck sweatshirt, also white. I eat something light and he(i never know who he is, just that he is hot) has something like a hamburger or something. During lunch, we have idle chit-chat about all sorts of things. Photography, is something i bring up all the time. and i talk about some shoots i did recently. After lunch when it's time to go, i put my coat back on, and after he pays for the food, we take off, but not for either of our homes. towards the park! ( i dont know what town we are in but it offers carriage rides year round) He planned a carriage ride around the park!
So, i get in the carriage, and he is quick to follow me, after we got started i noticed a chill running through me. He sees me shiver a little and places his arm around me and pulls me close! I get warm quickly from that. and during the entire ride, not a word is said, he just holds me nice and close, and i feel secure. When the ride is done, it's only around 2ish so we go to a museum, and wander the halls there for a hour or 2. we discuss certain things about how gender is this and that, and how certain aspects of certain works of art is good or bad. and so on.
After that. he decided to take me ice skating, i'm not even going to say how many times i feel on my bum. well it was beginning to get dark and since we walked everywhere all day long, and it was snowing all day long as well (cars couldn't drive around) and I lived closer to where we currently were.
After we got to where i lived, i decided to start a fire in the fireplace and put on some hot water for hot chocolate! so yummy! after the fire gets going i bring the hot chocolate and we pretty much curl up next to this fire and he just holds me again.
Ok, long as hell, i know and i also know it's a big cliche but i can't help my mind.
i only put this because i wanted a record for myself more then anything.
and the point of all that was showing what was in my mind for my future. Men! or at least a Man. Sorry for the length of it all.
Do you have any suggestions for me? know that my father is very old fashioned
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