Tuesday, January 13, 2009

i wish this could be a happy post

, but it can't be.

My dad, the person i thought was my hero for accepting me so well, never accepted it in the first place. He told me today, when the discussion came up, that he has lost the will to live, thanks to me. and whenever i do finally begin my transition, he is going to completely disown me, 110%. He pulled out the whole bit with God, and how God doesn't make mistakes, but when i tried to put in the chance, the bloody chance, that God purpsofully made me this way, Purposfully made me Transgendered, he wouldn't listen to me. The worst of it all is, i have no physical support now. all my friends seem to be out of reach... all of the ones i could've trusted, and the ones that i can't trust now, i'm sure are bored hoping for a phone call from somebody.

Right now, i just want to die.

5 comments:

alan said...

Dani, this is not your fault no matter who or how anyone would like to blame you!

Give your father some time to accept things; he is "processing" a lot of information right now, and perhaps it will be OK once he works through it. I cannot believe for a minute that he will truly disown you forever, especially when others in your family already knew what was going on and were supporting you. I am sure they will be "working on him" in your behalf as well!

I am sure God is very tired of all the ways he is invoked to support different things...

alan

Ranko said...

no no no no nooooo! I can't stand people saying that!! No matter how big an obstacle becomes its there to show you how strong you really are!

...Please I know you don't know me and anything I say doesn't matter. But ..I can't just sit here and let someone even think along those lines. You are you regardless of what anyone else thinks its you that has to go on who has to finish the story who has to find a happy ending.

I know its hard..I know how alone it gets and I understand the feeling of just wanting nothingness. But that isn't an answer!! I don't have logic behind it..no proof saying that its "wrong" or anything but to deny this world of one less good person..one less understanding and caring soul. well that's cruel.

I am not asking you to live through hell for the sake of others. but to seek out some other way to make it more tolerable being honest with ones self is hard but when you open up to someone that is willing to listen it becomes a little more bearable.

This world is an amazing place..full of both bad and good. so please...don't leave, there isn't enough good in this world as it is.

Ferun said...

Hello Dani, I'm sure you are feeling bad and your life a specialy your thoughts are like a horrible roller-coaster.

The bad expieriences happend when I have my feelings and the way I will to go, I'm also feeling horrible (fear of loss and rejection), I asked myself where is the love of parents, and all these things.

BUT, you must keep in mind you are the only one to control your life. Nobody other. It much information for your father & your friends. I know the followed isn't a much fiminie advice, but STAY STRONG, This is your life,, don't break it. The time will show you that the world isn't a to bad place.

Best wishes from me !!!

Ferun said...

"He pulled out the whole bit with God, and how God doesn't make mistake"

About his own words should thinking your father. You are not a mistajke. When he really believes in God and his many ways of being, many kinds of human being, your father needs a little time to accept the fact that God made you a little bit other than the most people, but no less lovable.

P.S.: I hope you can understand my English. *Sleep well*

Shauna Baggett said...

Can you share this blog I wrote a couple days ago, it will show him God does too make mistakes sometimes sometimes bad, he made me in your fathers eyes I may be bad but to the rest of the world I was given a gift.

http://shaunabaggett.blogspot.com/2009/01/he-was-actually-girl.html

Once he reads it I am sure he will see things a different way :)

Shauna