Friday, December 12, 2008

a little info

Ok, so, i've been thinking, in all my blogs and all my backgrounds i have never put up my personal background. at least my background for being TG

My earliest memory of feeling different from the other boys was, i think i was six years old, and i remember running out to my mom from my bedroom. This was before my parents split. But, i would always cuddle up with my mom because, hey, i was six and i love my mommy. well, i ran up and i got all nestled in next to her, and after a few minutes i remember flat out telling my mom, "Mom[my], i think i was supposed to be born a girl." Now, at that time i thought it was because i had long eyelashes... weird but true... and yet it's what i said.

After that i have no real memories like that, but i remember cross dressing, oh boy, do i remember the first time i cross dressed. granted at that time i was a thief... aren't we all at that point... well, honestly, the first time i cross dressed, was a bra... very simple. a black bra.. nothing fancy. but i felt so alive! this one bra opened up a whole new world to me.

I started attempting to make my own clothes, out of old male clothes that i had.. not the best job looking back, but still, it worked at the time, and boy it all felt so natural.

well, after years of hiding all my clothes that i had gathered, most stolen or made out of old clothes, i told my mother that i cross-dressed. she wasn't the happiest person about it all... but she still loved me.

Well, a few months after that i realized wow, i really am a cross-dresser. NBD though. so i built up the courage to tell my sister! and she took it relativly well, considering it was just a few days before my high school graduation, and she was just visiting me for that alone.

ok, so then i go to college, and i meet people who would later on become awesoem friends... i even met my past best friend. and it was my once best friend who was the very first to find out that i'm transgendered and felt discomfort with my body as a male!

She turned out to be my very first true friend but not the last. eventually i got the courage to tell others. and so far they have all been accepting of me. My counselor, has been extremely helpful for me, and during some of my rougher patches she helped me a lot.

Of course so did my once best friend... she helped me through a lot more... she even stopped me from killing my self in a pretty gruesome way once or twice... of course now that she gave up on trying to help me... she is no longer a friend for me... she has no intentions to helping me. God, i wish she hadn't given up on me.

anyway, that's my past in a nutshell... and i hope there aren't too many typos in there. ^_^ oh, and just so you know i was giving you the facts not the emotions involved... there is a lot i left out if you include that.

Ok, now for news... i don't remember if i posted this in my previous entry... so if not i'm going to here, and if so, here it is again. On January 8th, 2009, i am going to be telling my father about me... i dont know exactly how i will... but i will... i'm bringing him in to see my counselor... so that way it's a more controlled environment. that's all there is really... oh i did fail all my classes in college, and so i'm going on academic warning. i really really need to pass my classes next semester.

that's all for now!
Much Love

1 comment:

alan said...

I've seen your comments elsewhere and came visiting, I hope you don't mind...

With all that's going on in your life, it's no wonder that your schoolwork has suffered! I can't deal with the normal everyday stuff and figure out how to juggle a life and school! When you throw the emotions you speak of into the mix, it's a wonder you managed at all!

I'm sorry that your friend "bailed" on deserve better and perhaps she'll think better of it later on. In the meantime, you have to do what you have to do for you; those around you are going to have to deal with it, because it is you that has to get through this.

I'm proud of you for having the courage to do what you need to, especially for finding a counselor to talk to about all of it!

I know it's hard, but try to relax a bit through the holidays to build up some "reserves" for the next semester...I'll worry about you about you, so you can take it easier...hopefully the classes will be a bit easier this time!

It's nice to meet you!